Every once in a while, I force myself to do something waaaay outside my box.
It started about 10 years ago, when I realized the kids were grown up. Somewhere along the line, I kind of forgot how to do things alone. Before marriage and kids, I thought nothing of hopping in the car for a road trip across the country to visit a sorority sister, or flying across the ocean for a clinic. Once, I even rented a cottage on the Atlantic Ocean for a five day weekend, just because.
After marriage and kids, things changed. I started to count on my husband and kids to be my reason for everything. I don’t know when it happened or how but suddenly, I started to have problems doing anything alone. For example, I was unable to walk into the post office alone. Now, if I had one of the kids with me I wouldn’t think twice about mailing a package… Alone I was unable breathe, let alone walk into the building.
My first step alone started when I said yes to volunteering for a charity which takes women who are battling breast cancer fly fishing. I grew up fly-fishing and love it. I challenge my family to do a lot of community work every year. We had lost two good friends to breast cancer, so when I saw the story about this non-profit on the news and their need for volunteers, I felt an urge to sign up.
Closer to the event, I began to wonder what I had set myself up for. I had not driven anywhere but to the kid’s school, their activities, the barn or work alone in years. Here I would have to drive 3 hours to an area I’d never been to before, by myself with a group where I knew NO ONE!! I began to panic and come up with reasons not to go. I even got sick. I did force myself to go, had a great time, met some amazing people and have been going every year since.
Two years ago, I said yes to writing a blog about my horsey life a few times a month. I hadn’t written anything but variance reports and three line emails since college but I’ve had a blast find my writing skills again and as a bonus, I’ve met (virtually) a bunch of amazing people.
Because of this, here I sit a “few sleeps” away from getting in my car and heading down the road to meet in the flesh this group of people at an event I’ve dreamed about attending for years.
What am I thinking…???
I’m driving one-way 670 miles alone. To a place I’ve never been. To meet, sleep and spend time with people I’ve never met. . . ALONE! … Can’t breathe!!
Each time I begin to panic and chicken out, my mother’s voice rattles in my head. After I told her what I was going to do, she said … she could not believe Jim (my husband) was “allowing” me to go. REALLY?? What century are we living in? This creates the insane spite factor.
To really put the nail in the coffin and make sure I can’t bail, I’ve signed myself up to be a Rolex volunteer. Hey!! I get a free t-shirt and a 4-day general admissions pass.
I’ll be honest, ever since I committed to going this year, I’ve flip flopped on a five minute rotation from “OH MY GOSH I’m going to Rolex excitement” to “OH MY GOSH I’m going to Rolex panic”.
But really, what is the worst that can happen? I could trip and fall on Boyd Martin or spill my coffee on Jessica Phoenix. I’ll try not to but nothing will happen if I stay home on the couch.
Let the adventure begin!
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