In the short time I’ve been writing for Horse Junkies United, I’ve started, stopped, started again then threw away more would-be posts than I can count. I have also started, stopped and started again on even more posts that somehow managed to pass the is-this-really-awful-or-just-sort-of-awful-or-maybe-not-quite-awful-enough-that-I-should-completely-ditch-it-altogether test and rather than being thrown away, have simply been stowed into my vast electronic archive of “Randomlings and Fragmentories”.
That’s Random Ramblings and Fragmented Stories, because for all practical purposes rambling and fragmented is about as far as most of them have gotten. Some will remain in the sort of belletristic purgatory that is my R & F files, never to be seen again. Others may be rescued and partially rehabbed only to once again be cast into the depths of literary limbo.
A select few, will make it to the relative safety of the “works in progress” file and occasionally one of those might actually prove worthy of the cut and paste into the post box and the subsequent “save to draft” that will send it on its way to becoming a bona fide HJU post. A few have made it so far, as the post box only to be discarded seconds before I hit the “save to draft” button.
Such is the drama, that surrounds one who would call herself a writer. It’s always been said to write what I know and I most certainly know horses . . . but to know them and to sufficiently capture the essence of them and the immeasurable depth of the influence they have brought to my life is a feat I have, as of late, found inexplicably daunting.
A brief recollection from my college literary courses and the theories of Jacques Derrida and Lacan might assuage this solicitude with their claims that language in and of itself is not inherently natural and thus, the ability to truly capture a feeling, an essence, through the filter of language simply does not exist.
And yet . . . Daily I read the posts of my fellow HJU bloggers and I am truly in awe of their abilities to do just that, capture the essence of a feeling, a moment, a state of mind. It is a privilege to share in the knowledge that abounds from each and every post, and an honor to be allowed a glimpse into the constitution and spirit that defines each writer and their lives as equestrians. As a writer humbled by so many of these, I wonder how I’m to achieve any semblance of the same.
Perhaps, it is partially this awestruckness that has caused my recent bout of blogger’s block. Though I suspect the simpler truth, is that I am wholly my own worst critic and simply need to get over myself. Alas, somewhere amidst the ramblings and fragments, amongst the muddled syntax and words that aren’t quite right, is a thing or two that is truly meant to be shared with all of you.
To that end and in an effort to return the favors of knowledge, experience and perspicacity you’ve all shared with me, perhaps I can give a few of the not-quite-awful-enough-to-completely-ditch-altogethers the benefit of the doubt, and rather than dooming them to the depths before they’ve even seen the light of day, allow for YOU, my fellow bloggers and readers by whom I’m most inspired, to decide the fate of their worthiness. 😉
Cheers to blogging!