HJU blogger Kerry's unhorsey significant other Alan, converted to the "dark side".

I asked my husband to write a little something about things a non-horsey person would have said and done in a horsey situation. This is what he gave me…

City Boy Marries Horsey Girl…

It started out simple enough I married a woman that had a horse. She liked to ride.  No big deal, she had had horses since she was 6 years-old and I promised her father I’d keep her happy.

At first, it was her thing; baseball & hockey were mine. She went to the barn a few nights a week; I played sports a few nights a week.

Then, came our first show season together…

She asked me to come along.

This was a long time ago, her memories of the day differs totally from mine…

The first thing I learned, is that everything has a name and eyes will roll if you say something stupid –  this coming from the woman who tells me her truck is “making a woobbie noise”… ( ?)

I walked around all day with a bucked of brushes, cloths and sprays. Come on “green spot spray???”

First, I whipped her boots with the nose cloth, and then I put water in the red bucked. The red bucket is for cleaning, not drinking. Hay cannot touch the ground, tails are not to be brushed, blue cloth for bug spray, white cloth is for horse’s nose, boots are whipped every other second, DON’T touch the braids and she wanted me to wash parts of her horse I don’t wish to discuss. At this point in our lives we did not have kids yet, I got used to wiping parts later.

It’s a lead, not a leash.

A rug can be many things. Be careful because sound carries at a show and something I said must have sounded like “the judge has a nice rug”… I know I never said that, but that is what everyone said they heard.

One should get a degree in blankets. There are blankets that go under the saddle and blankets that cover the horse and there are a million different kinds of those. Who knew this damn horse had more clothing than me.

Yea, a halter is something the horse wears not my wife. You should have seen the eyes roll with that comment.

Olive oil is for the tack, not the salad.

Poll evil is a painful condition a horse can get and not what happened to the big grey horse that jumped the opposite direction of the pole and landed on my foot at jump #3.

Never NEVER!!! Try to feed a rider before she rides. OMG!!

I thought we were heading for divorce court when I failed at giving my wife a “leg up” and tossed her over her horse, onto the NEXT rider and horse. It was a quiet ride home. She drove!!

I did not get asked to come along again until years later when the kids started to show, I’ll tell you about that later, it wasn’t pretty.

Jim Figures

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