Is it time to go already?  I was just starting to relax...

Is it time to go already? I was just starting to relax…

Ahhh, show season…regardless of your discipline, there are definitely similarities that exist!  And since Sandie and I are always here to help you out (or at least make you laugh), here is the latest in our series of 12-Step blogs, 12 Steps to a Successful Show Day – Eventing Edition!  Enjoy 😉

Step 1: Sleep through alarm.  Wake up in cold sweat after having 7th nightmare this week about memorizing the wrong dressage test.  Silently curse the Benadryl you took last night to help you go to sleep.

Step 2:  Arrive late to your barn.  Hook up trailer in record time and RUN down the aisle to collect your spotlessly clean disgusting pig of a horse who has rolled in the only spot of pee in her stall. Attempt to rub spots out with a curry comb.  Fail miserably.  Go at it with a wet rag instead.  Smear it around.  Give up, wrap her legs, and throw her on the trailer.

Step 3:  Arrive at the show grounds late.  Prepare yourself calmly for your dressage test. Run around like a chicken with its head cut off, throwing tack onto your horse like you’re in some sort of extreme cowboy challenge.  Swear profusely when horse steps on your foot. Yell at your husband as if he told your horse to do it. Ask for a leg up and get tossed over horse instead.  Rub grass stain into your white breeches.

Step 4:  Warm up your horse long and low, asking her to stretch and supple, before beginning collected work Go from walk to trot to canter gallop in 5 minutes and barely make your ride time.  Enter at A and hope to achieve extra bonus points for creativity when you change your test on the fly with moves like “Run down centerline”, “Balk at F”, “20m oval at E” and “Run backwards at X”.

Step 5:  Go back to your stall. Silently wish you were a Fox Hunter and had a flask nearby.

Step 6:  Tack up for jumping.  Get whacked in face by horse’s tail while securing rear boots.  Narrowly avoid being pooped on while wiping tail hairs off face and wrestling with your horse’s hind leg, which appears to have suddenly taken on its own personality.

Step 7:  Head to warm up.  Terrify Impress children and trainers with your horse’s ability to jump things from a complete stand still.

WOOHOOO Hang on up there!!

WOOHOOO Hang on up there!!

Step 8:  Enter ring.  Wait for whistle.  Weave horse in and out of scary horse-eating jumps while she spooks sideways to make the most of your time.  Wait for whistle some more.  Did you hear it?  Was that the whistle?  Start asking innocent bystanders if they heard it yet.  Finally hear it.

Step 9:  Survive Finish stadium jumping.  Head to cross country.   Enter start box. Wonder how your Quarter Horse just turned into a Thoroughbred in the starting gate at the race track within the last 5 minutes.

Step 10:  3..2..1…you’re on course!  Hang on for dear life.  Watch life flash before eyes a minimum of 3 times throughout the course, which takes you 3 minutes to complete (on a 5 minute optimum).

This crazy sport we call Eventing...this is why we love it!

This crazy sport we call Eventing…this is why we love it!

Step 11:  Dismount, loosen the girth, and walk horse back to stall.  Pat horse for not killing you doing her best today.

Step 12:  Get home and after taking 4 Ibuprofen, send in your entry for the next event, because you’re a glutton for punishment you love a good challenge! 😉


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