Apparently they now make some sort of fireworks that I need to rename “Horse Violently Cast In Stall” or maybe “Meth Lab Gone Wrong”. Nothing like getting ready for bed watching the 10 p.m. news when you hear a quick series of loud thuds and scratches.

Let’s be real. I live in S.C.; fireworks are legal and readily available year round. My neighbor’s kids down the street don’t need much of an excuse to set them off. For the most part, it’s limited to 4 days before and after any major non religious holiday.  But once the kids went back to school after Christmas, the pyrotechnics have been at a minimum the last few nights. Honestly I don’t care, I don’t expect anyone to tap dance around my personal hobby when it comes to rural neighborhoods and random noises.

When the first few thuds went off I hesitated, turned down the tv and it was quiet. Meh neighbor kids.. smh.. but 5 minutes later, it was louder and more anxious. I swear… it sounded like hooves scrambling on the wall. No boom, no flashes of light, no crackle… Just horse upside down on his back too close to the wall with 3 feet in the air.

Yes I know, I’m in the house, but any horse person who keeps their critters at home will tell you. Your ears become more finely tuned than an FBI surveillance team. You know the difference between an I’m bored whinny in the pasture and a “help, I played “does my foot fit here” with the fence and the fence won” whinny.

You can sleep through cats practicing “River Dance” on your body all night, but the life flight chopper wakes you out of a dead sleep at 3 in the morning as it passes over the pasture looking for a level landing area to snatch up an ill neighbor. (Omg the horses are out in that field… hello 911? I need 10 minutes to get the horses out of that field. No, they’ll be fine but they will surround the helicopter in seconds and accost the EMT’s for treats)

That said, when the second round of thuds kicked in this evening with no flashing lights, a cat went flying off my lap as I shot off the couch into a coat and loped 300 feet or so to the barn.

I cracked open the door expecting nervous nickers and big eyes. My 28 yo mare has not been 100% today, so I steeled myself for what I might find at the end of the barn.

Which was a whopping nothing. One nickering for a cookie, 2 down for the count sound asleep (no where near the wall, oh don’t mind me.. as you were..) 2 munching on hay, and one old mare giving me the stink eye, still bitter and holding a grudge over having been de-wormed 12 hours ago.

I’ll take that hairy eyeball from Ladybug over having a cast horse any night. But seriously people, it’s a week night…stop with the fireworks already.