Whether you’re wrapping up your fall show season, dressing your equine partner up in costume (both adorable and desensitizing!), or getting ready for the invasion of Trick-O-Treaters, we hope you have a safe and fun Halloween!

If your horse won’t tolerate any of the Halloween tomfoolery but you’re still looking for a real fright, the HJU bloggers came up with a list of suggestions for a hair-raising evening that is far scarier than any haunted house or scary movie. Presenting…

A Horse Junkie’s Halloween

1. Stay home and look at your vet bills. Then your bank account. And again at your vet bills. Spooky!

2. Confront the reality of your CANTER and Dreamhorse search history.

3. Try and figure out exactly what that thing is that you found in your horse’s bale of hay. A prehistoric fossil? An alien skeleton?

4. Watch a white horse roll.

5. Listen to that dreaded sputter of you clipper’s motor halfway through the clip job.

6. Clean a gelding’s sheath for the first time ever.

7. Realize you have on patterned underwear and white breeches…after you arrive at the show.

8. Gymastics and grids without reins (or with a crop behind your elbows to keep your shoulders back)

9. Be super excited to ride, walk down the barn aisle with a spring in your step, whistling a tune, slowly slide open the stall door and ………uuuuuaaaaahhhhhh…. Demon mare with ears back, body tense, the “I’ll get you my pretty” look in her eye; she is in heat! RUN!!

10. Stick your hand in a bag of carrots that are a few days old that have been sitting in your tack box.

11. Consider the following scenarios: Shoe pulled off in the field, the day before a competition. Even worse: shoe pulled off on horsebox en route to competition. Even even worse: shoe 1/2 pulled off, requiring instant removal.

12. Look at your hair after you take your helmet off. Or better yet…smell the inside of your helmet.

13. Collect fecal samples for your whole barn in those tiny plastic cup with the weird gelato spoons.

14. Ride a freshly-clipped four-year-old chestnut mare first thing in the morning, when it’s still cold out.

15. Clean the washrack drain. Muahahaha!

Happy Halloween, Junkies!