I’m so impatient they could rename instant gratification to Rebecca’s desires. It’s difficult to explain why I’m so terribly impatient, but I know it has to do with will power. Mind over matter, right? If I work hard enough, I should be able to get what I want quicker. If I work fast enough, I’ll have it as soon as I can. Never does it register in my mind that this isn’t how things work. I only recognize it, after the fact.
Patience is something often outside my grip. I can feel it when I reach my hands out far enough, but I think perhaps it’s liquid. Because it falls through my fingers each time. Regardless of how fast I try to catch it in my palms, it’s gone before I can do so. I think, maybe I wasn’t fast enough. Maybe next time.
Next time rolls around, and I’m still not ready to wait. I feel patience trying to hold my hand, but when I close it fast enough to interlock our fingers. Again, I feel patience slip through my fingers as though it were water.
And now I think I am going about this all wrong. Some time has passed since I tried to hold hands with patience changing my perspective. I’ve had time to think on it.
The opposite of patience in definition is wrath, right? Every time I lose sight of my long term goals, I get frustrated with my daily life. I’m not doing enough, I’m not working hard enough, I’m not trying. I become a slave to myself, which is to say I cannot see past my immediate limitations. They feel like they’ll go on forever. And ever. It gets tiresome! I return to the place I was before, wishing I was patient enough to see the purpose behind the things I do.
For the first time, I wait for patience with an open hand. Fingers outstretched, palm up, waiting. I haven’t ever extended my hand like that before, to wait for patience. I know now it isn’t something I can trap in my hands. It isn’t something I’ll be able to grab out of thin air.
Instead, my palm will be open, my fingers outstretched so when patience comes, I can gently intertwine my fingers and allow myself to be soothed by promises of what I want down the road. Holding hands with patience will help me to find a sense of peaceful stability while I wait and work for what I want. Patience will remind me that harmony is more important than conflict; conflict might help a person grow, but it becomes a limitation when you fight yourself.
Waiting might seem unbearable, but if you hold hands with patience the wait will become bearable. All good things come to those who wait.