The first result that pops up when I Google the phrase, “why equestrians are…” is “better in bed.”
No. 2 is “sexy.” No. 3? “So skinny.” And finally, fourth in the ranking is “athletes.” Thanks, internet.
I’ve rolled my eyes over many a BuzzFeed-type posts listing off all the sarcastic and raunchy reasons why equestrians are hot or make good girlfriends. It usually has something to do with “they know how to control a thousand-pound animal between their legs” and “those tight pants” and “whips” and “they like being on top.” Gross.
So I’m here to set the record straight. Equestrians are sexy. And most of us probably are good partners in a relationship. But we’re also strong as hell. So here’s the only real, gritty, dirty, raw and honest list you need to read that explains why equestrians are, in fact, sexy.
We can drive a diesel truck better than your friends. And we can hook it up, haul it away, and back that thing up with a 16-foot-long horse trailer attached just like it’s any normal day and we’re nabbing the last parking space at the mall. Did I mention we can change a tire by ourselves, on the side of the highway with six horses in the rig, too? No AAA needed here.
We get down and dirty, or whatever. Mud and muck and manure and blood and spit and giant sneaky spiders hiding in the tack room, we’re not afraid of any of it. (OK, maybe the spiders.) It’s all just another day in the barn.
We just keep going. And going, and going. Our days start before sunrise and end well after sunset. We ride a dozen horses in a day, muck stalls, stack hay bales, you name it. Our stamina is untouchable. We can go all day.
We have the mouth of a sailor. Maybe it’s somewhat unintentional. Maybe it’s not. But it’s totally normal to have a conversation (with pictures) about a horse’s junk before the vet it called.
Us girls can lift. Think about it. From squatting in short stirrups all day in the saddle to lifting tack trunks and hay bales, to planting those heels in the dirt and holding onto the end of a lunge line for dear life with a wicked four-year-old at the end of it on a cold morning. Don’t mess with our gains.
Try and shock us. You won’t. Owning a horse means you’ve already been fraught with disappointment. Lameness. A pulled shoe moment before your class at a horse show. Broken bones from being thrown and having to retire a equine partner from an injury too soon. Just try. You can’t break our hearts that easily.
We’re pretty good at commitment. Horseback riding is all about the partnership. Riders rise to the top with their mounts. They set goals together and work every day toward reaching them.
Yeah, there’s also the tight pants and the boots and whips and whatever else. But if this list isn’t reason enough to convince you that equestrians are sexy, then maybe you should try to date a ballerina!